Loving Yourself Through Perimenopause: Changing the Story We’ve Been Told

With Valentine’s Day around the corner, love tends to take center stage—romantic love, relationships, grand gestures.

But this month, I want to talk about a different kind of love.
The kind that matters deeply in perimenopause.

Self-love.

Not the bubble baths and affirmations kind (though those can be lovely), but the kind of love that shows up when your body feels unfamiliar, your emotions feel unpredictable, and you start questioning things you never questioned before.

When Self-Love Gets Tested

For many women, perimenopause is the first time we truly feel at odds with our bodies.

Suddenly:

Your energy isn’t what it used to be
Sleep feels elusive
Your mood shifts without warning
Your body responds differently to stress, food, exercise, and rest

And quietly, almost without noticing, love can turn into frustration.

Instead of appreciation, we question.
Instead of trust, we criticize.
Instead of compassion, we push harder.

We start asking:
“What’s wrong with me?”
“Why can’t I handle this like I used to?”
“How do I make this stop?”

That shift—from love to self-doubt—isn’t a personal failure.
It’s a reflection of the story we’ve been taught about this phase of life.

The Story We’ve Been Sold

Culturally, perimenopause and menopause are often framed as something to:

Endure
Fix
Survive

We’re told it’s all downhill from here.
That our best years are behind us.
That our changing bodies are problems to be managed.

No wonder self-love gets harder.

But here’s the thing: that narrative isn’t universal—and it isn't helping you.

A Different Way of Seeing This Transition

In several cultures, midlife is viewed very differently.

In some Indigenous traditions, menopause is seen as a transition into wisdom—an awakening rather than a decline. Women are honored as elders, valued for their insight, clarity, and lived experience.

In Japan, the word konenki describes this life stage not as a loss, but as a natural season of change—a time when energy shifts inward and life becomes more intentional.

These perspectives don’t deny that symptoms can be challenging.
They simply refuse to label women as broken.

And that matters.

Because the way we talk about perimenopause shapes the way we experience it.

Changing the Narrative Starts With Us

One of the most powerful acts of self-love during perimenopause is learning to challenge the story running in the background of your thoughts.

Instead of:

“My body is failing me.”

What if it became:

“My body is communicating with me.”

Instead of:

“I just need to get through this.”

What if it shifted to:

“How can I support myself during this transition?”

Instead of:

“Why can’t I handle this?”

What if you asked:

“What does my body need right now?”

Self-love isn’t about pretending everything is fine.
It’s about embracing who you are becoming—without turning it into self-punishment.

This Isn’t About Fixing Yourself

Perimenopause is not a personal flaw or a detour from the life you were “supposed” to have.

It’s a transition.

And transitions ask us to:

Slow down
Re-evaluate
Let go of old expectations
Build new ways of caring for ourselves

As author Glennon Doyle reminds us:

“We can do hard things.”

And I’d add:
We can do them with compassion instead of criticism.

Another favorite reminder:

“Nothing is wrong with you. Something is being revealed.”

Loving Yourself Through the Change

Self-love in perimenopause isn’t about pushing harder or demanding more discipline.

It’s about:

Listening instead of forcing
Adapting instead of resisting
Trusting that your body is wise—even when it feels unfamiliar

This season isn’t about surviving your body.
It’s about learning to partner with it in a new way.

And maybe—just maybe—it’s an invitation to write a more honest, hopeful story about what it means to be a woman in midlife.

This month, as we talk about love, let’s start there.
With curiosity.
With kindness.
With a willingness to see this transition not as an ending—but as a becoming.

💛

💗 Want Support as You Practice Self-Love This Month?

If this message resonated with you, you don’t have to explore it alone.

Inside The Pause Party, this month’s theme is all about love—the real-life kind that supports you through perimenopause. Together, we’re diving deeper into:

Practicing self-love without pressure or perfection
Letting go of self-criticism and comparison
Learning how to honor your changing body
Building trust and compassion through this transition

It’s a space for education, reflection, encouragement, and connection with women who truly get it.

If you’re ready to stop feeling like you have to “push through” and start feeling supported as you move through perimenopause, I’d love to have you join us.

✨ Learn more about The Pause Party and join us this month ✨ The Pause Party