Perimenopause: A Judgment-Free Zone
Have you ever had one of those mornings where you look in the mirror and think...
"Who is this woman?" 😂
Maybe your face looks a little puffier than it used to.
Your jeans don't fit quite the same.
Your hair is doing something completely different than it did five years ago.
Or perhaps you woke up after another night of interrupted sleep feeling like you could use a nap before you've even made breakfast.
And then the thoughts start.
"I never used to be this tired."
"Why can't I lose weight like I used to?"
"I should be able to handle this."
"What's wrong with me?"
"I don't recognize myself anymore."
Before you know it, you're not just experiencing a symptom.
You're experiencing the symptom plus a whole story about what that symptom means.
And sometimes that story can make an already difficult experience feel even harder.
What if, instead of immediately judging what is happening, you simply noticed it?
What if you could say:
"This is what is happening right now."
No criticism.
No comparison.
No "I should be..."
Just noticing.
That is where mindfulness comes in.
🌿 What Is Mindfulness?
Mindfulness is often described as paying attention to the present moment, on purpose, without judgment.
It sounds simple.
And technically, it is.
But simple doesn't necessarily mean easy. 😂
Our minds are constantly jumping around.
We're thinking about what happened yesterday.
Worrying about tomorrow.
Making grocery lists.
Replaying conversations.
Planning our next appointment.
Wondering why our teenager sent us that weird text.
And occasionally wondering why we walked into the kitchen.
Again.
😂
Mindfulness gives us an opportunity to come back to right now.
Not yesterday.
Not tomorrow.
Not the version of ourselves from ten years ago.
Right now.
And during perimenopause, that can be a pretty powerful practice.
💛 What Does Mindfulness Look Like During Perimenopause?
Mindfulness isn't about pretending everything is wonderful.
It's not telling yourself to "just think positive."
And it's definitely not about ignoring your symptoms.
Instead, mindfulness gives us a different way to relate to what we're experiencing.
It can involve:
👀 Being Present
Instead of immediately jumping ahead to:
"How long is this going to last?"
You notice:
"I'm having a hot flash right now."
You're bringing your attention to what is actually happening instead of immediately worrying about what might happen next.
💭 Observing
You notice your thoughts without automatically believing every single one.
"I'm having the thought that I look terrible today."
That's different from:
"I look terrible today."
One is an observation.
The other is a judgment.
🌿 Not Judging
You notice:
"I'm really tired today."
Instead of:
"I shouldn't be this tired."
You notice:
"I'm feeling emotional."
Instead of:
"Why am I being so ridiculous?"
You notice:
"My body feels different today."
Instead of:
"My body is failing me."
You don't have to add a criticism to every experience.
🤍 Accepting What Is Here
Acceptance doesn't mean liking something.
It doesn't mean giving up.
And it doesn't mean you shouldn't seek help for symptoms that are bothering you.
It simply means acknowledging:
"This is what is happening right now."
You can accept that you're having a difficult day and still want tomorrow to be better.
Both things can be true.
🔎 Approaching With Curiosity
Instead of immediately asking:
"What's wrong with me?"
Try:
"I wonder what's going on here."
"What might my body be communicating?"
"What do I notice?"
"What seems to make this better or worse?"
Curiosity creates space.
And sometimes that space allows us to respond rather than react.
🧠 But Does Mindfulness Actually Help With Menopause Symptoms?
This is where things get interesting.
Research on mindfulness and menopause has been growing, and the evidence is encouraging—although it isn't a magic wand.
A 2025 systematic review and meta-analysis looked at 19 randomized controlled trials involving 1,670 participants. Overall, mindfulness-based interventions were associated with improvements in menopausal symptoms, quality of life, sleep quality, anxiety, depressive symptoms, and stress compared with control groups. The researchers also noted differences between studies, so more high-quality research is still needed.
Another randomized trial followed 110 late-perimenopausal and early-postmenopausal women who were experiencing frequent hot flashes and night sweats. After mindfulness training, participants reported less bother from their hot flashes and night sweats, along with improvements in several psychological and quality-of-life measures.
And I think the word bother in that study is particularly interesting.
Because mindfulness isn't necessarily about making a symptom disappear.
It may help change our relationship with the experience.
And that can matter.
Your hot flash is still a hot flash.
But perhaps the experience becomes:
"Ugh. I'm having a hot flash. Let me pause, breathe, and let my body move through it."
Instead of:
"OH MY GOSH. HERE WE GO AGAIN. I CAN'T STAND THIS. WHY IS MY BODY DOING THIS TO ME?! HOW MANY MORE YEARS DO I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS?!"
😂
Same hot flash.
Very different experience.
🌸 Let's Go Back to That Woman in the Mirror
Remember her?
She woke up exhausted.
Her jeans don't fit.
Her face looks different.
And she's comparing herself to the woman she was ten years ago.
Her first thought is:
"I never used to be this tired."
"I should be able to lose weight more easily."
"I don't recognize myself."
"What's wrong with me?"
Now let's imagine that same morning with a little more mindfulness.
She looks in the mirror and notices:
"My body feels different right now."
She notices the disappointment.
"I'm feeling frustrated about that."
She notices the comparison.
"I'm comparing myself to how my body used to look."
And instead of criticizing herself for having those thoughts, she gets curious.
"What does my body need from me right now?"
Maybe the answer is a little more sleep.
Maybe it's nourishing food.
Maybe it's changing clothes to feel more comfortable and confident.
Maybe it's a conversation with her doctor.
Maybe it's simply a little compassion knowing this is temporary.
Maybe she doesn't know yet.
And that's okay.
The important part is that she has moved from:
judgment → curiosity
and from:
fighting her body → listening to her body.
That's a pretty significant shift.
🌿 Mindfulness Is a Skill You Can Build
Here's the good news:
You don't have to be naturally calm.
You don't have to be good at meditation.
You don't need a quiet house.
And you definitely don't need to sit cross-legged on a mountain somewhere. 😂
Mindfulness is a skill.
And like any skill, it gets stronger with practice.
Here are a few simple ways to start.
👀 Practice the "Notice Five"
Pause wherever you are and notice:
👀 5 things you can see
👂 4 things you can hear
✋ 3 things you can feel
👃 2 things you can smell
👅 1 thing you can taste
It takes just a few moments and brings your attention back to the present.
☕ Practice During Something You Already Do
Choose an everyday activity.
Maybe it's drinking your morning coffee.
Instead of scrolling your phone while you drink it, notice:
☕ The warmth of the cup.
👃 The smell.
👅 The taste.
💭 Your thoughts.
🪑 How your body feels sitting in the chair.
You don't need to add another activity to your schedule.
Just become more present during one you already have.
🌿 Notice Without Fixing
The next time you experience an uncomfortable feeling, try simply naming it.
"I'm frustrated."
"I'm tired."
"I'm anxious."
"I'm uncomfortable."
"I'm having a hot flash."
Then take a breath.
You don't have to immediately fix it.
Just notice.
💭 Catch the "Shoulds"
Pay attention to how often the word should shows up in your thinking.
"I should have more energy."
"I should be able to lose weight."
"I should be handling this better."
"I should exercise more."
"I shouldn't be so emotional."
When you catch one, try replacing it with:
"This is where I am right now."
Then ask:
"What would support me from here?"
🤍 Practice Self-Compassion
Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a friend.
Would you tell your best friend:
"Wow, you look terrible today."
"You should be able to handle this better."
"What's wrong with you?"
Probably not.
So why do we think those words are acceptable when we're talking to ourselves?
Try:
"This is hard."
"I'm learning."
"My body is changing, and I'm figuring this out."
"I can support myself through this."
That's not weakness.
That's compassion.
🌱 Start Small
You don't have to become a mindfulness master.
You don't need to meditate for 30 minutes every morning.
You don't have to sit in silence and clear your mind.
In fact, clearing your mind isn't really the goal.
Your mind will wander.
That's what minds do.
The practice is noticing that you've wandered...
and gently coming back.
Again.
And again.
And again.
The coming back is the practice.
So start with one minute.
One breath.
One meal.
One conversation.
One walk.
One hot flash.
One frustrating moment.
One opportunity to notice what is happening without immediately judging it.
💛 A Judgment-Free Zone
Imagine what might change if you stopped making every experience mean something about you.
You're tired.
You're tired.
It doesn't mean you're lazy.
Your body has changed.
Your body has changed.
It doesn't mean you're failing.
You're emotional.
You're emotional.
It doesn't mean you're "too much."
You're having a difficult day.
You're having a difficult day.
It doesn't mean you're doing life wrong.
What if you could simply notice where you are without immediately deciding whether you like it, whether you should be somewhere else, or whether something is wrong with you?
That is mindfulness.
And maybe...
perimenopause could become a little more of a judgment-free zone. 🌿
Not because everything is easy.
Not because symptoms aren't real.
Not because we stop looking for solutions when we need them.
But because we stop fighting ourselves in the process.
Your body is changing.
Your life is changing.
And you are allowed to meet yourself exactly where you are.
With curiosity.
With compassion.
With a little less judgment.
And maybe...
with a whole lot more grace. 💛
🌿 Your Small Shift This Week
The next time you notice a symptom, difficult emotion, or frustrating thought, pause before you judge it.
Ask yourself:
What am I noticing right now?
Then:
Can I experience this moment without needing to immediately change it?
And finally:
What would support me right now?
You don't have to have all the answers.
Just practice noticing.
Because sometimes the most powerful shift isn't changing the moment.
It's changing the way we meet it. 💛
💛 Ready for More Support?
If you're looking for more than just information about perimenopause, The Pause Party is where we take these ideas a little deeper.
Inside the community, you'll find education, coaching, practical resources, and women who are navigating this season right alongside you. We don't believe you need to have it all figured out—we believe in learning to understand your body, making small shifts, and supporting yourself through the changes.
🌿 Come join us in The Pause Party and discover what it looks like to navigate perimenopause with a little more knowledge, confidence, and support.
You don't have to figure this out alone. 💛
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