Simplifying Your Expectations: Sometimes the Shift Starts Within
Have you ever sat down to rest, only to have your brain remind you of the 27 things you should be doing instead?
The laundry needs folding. The grocery list needs updating. You have emails to answer, appointments to schedule, and dinner to figure out. And don't forget to drink more water, get some movement in, and maybe squeeze in that wellness routine you saw on Instagram.
Your body might be sitting still, but your brain? It's running a marathon. 😂
Even when you finally have time to rest, you may not feel rested. Your mind is busy reviewing unfinished tasks and reminding you of everything you haven't accomplished.
Sometimes, exhaustion isn't just about how much we're doing. It's also about how much we're carrying mentally—including the expectations we've placed on ourselves.
If we want to simplify our lives, sometimes we need to start from within.
The Expectations We Carry
Many of us have an internal list of how life should look.
We should keep the house clean, prepare healthy meals, exercise regularly, stay connected with friends, and be present with our families. We should take care of everyone else while remembering to take care of ourselves.
And we should probably do it all with a smile!
The problem isn't that these things are bad. It's that we sometimes expect ourselves to do everything without considering our actual time, energy, or capacity.
When we inevitably fall short, we feel guilty or wonder why we're not doing enough.
But what if the problem isn't that you're not doing enough? What if your expectations need a little reevaluation?
Do Your Expectations Still Fit Your Life?
As we move through perimenopause and beyond, our energy, sleep, concentration, and responsibilities may change. Our priorities shift, too.
Yet we sometimes continue expecting ourselves to operate exactly as we always have.
You don't have to keep living by expectations created for a different season of your life.
Take a moment to consider these four questions:
- Do my expectations match my current reality? Am I trying to fit more into my day than my time and energy reasonably allow?
- Do my expectations match my priorities? Am I spending energy on what truly matters to me or on what I think I should be doing?
- Are my expectations serving me? Do they support my well-being, or leave me feeling overwhelmed and perpetually behind?
- Are my expectations realistic? Do they allow room for rest, flexibility, and the unexpected twists of everyday life?
This isn't about giving up on the things that matter. It's about finding an approach that works for the life you're actually living.
The Keep, Change, Release Method
So, where do you begin?
Try taking an honest look at your expectations using three simple categories: Keep, Change, and Release.
You don't need to overhaul your entire life. Start by noticing what feels unnecessarily heavy.
1. KEEP: What Matters to You?
Some expectations genuinely support your well-being and reflect your values.
Maybe you enjoy having a reasonably tidy home, preparing meals ahead of time, or taking an evening walk to unwind.
Those things can stay!
Ask yourself:
- What genuinely matters to me?
- Which expectations support my well-being?
Keep what supports you—not just what you've always done.
2. CHANGE: What Could Be Easier?
Sometimes the goal is worthwhile, but the way we're approaching it makes life harder than necessary.
Maybe you want to eat nourishing meals but expect yourself to cook from scratch every night. Could you use frozen vegetables, prepare ingredients ahead of time, or keep easy meals on hand?
Maybe you want to exercise regularly but believe movement only counts if you complete a 45-minute workout. Could shorter sessions or movement breaks work better right now?
You don't have to abandon a goal just because your current approach isn't working.
Ask yourself:
- Is there an easier way to do this?
- Could I change how often, how long, or how thoroughly I do it?
Sometimes, a small adjustment creates a little more breathing room.
3. RELEASE: What Are You Ready to Let Go Of?
This is where things get interesting!
Maybe you expect yourself to keep the house spotless, attend every gathering, maintain every tradition, or keep everyone happy.
Perhaps you feel guilty resting when your to-do list isn't finished.
But are these expectations necessary, or are they simply rules you've followed for years?
You can let some things go. You can simplify a tradition, ask for help, or leave a task unfinished without treating it as a personal failure.
Ask yourself:
- What am I doing out of obligation rather than genuine importance?
- What am I taking on that can be delegated?
- What am I worrying about that doesn't need to be my responsibility?
- What expectation is weighing me down?
- What am I ready to do differently or let go of?
You don't have to release everything at once. Choose one thing that feels ready to go.
Your Small Shift This Week
Take a few minutes to think about the expectations you're carrying. Write down a few if that helps, then choose one to Keep, Change, or Release.
Maybe you'll keep something that supports you, change an approach that isn't working, or release an expectation that's been weighing on you for far too long.
Remember, simplifying your life isn't just about doing fewer things. Sometimes, it's about expecting less of yourself where those expectations no longer make sense.
You can still care deeply, work toward meaningful goals, and take good care of yourself without doing everything perfectly.
Your life doesn't have to look the way it used to. And you don't have to earn your rest by finishing every task on your list.
Start where you are. Be honest about what you need. And give yourself permission to make things a little easier.
Keep it simple, Sister!
💛 Want a little support along the way?
You don't have to figure everything out on your own!
Come join us in Stronger In The Change, my free Facebook group for women navigating perimenopause and beyond. It's a welcoming space to share experiences, ask questions, and remind one another that we're not alone in this journey.
Looking for a little more guidance, education, and accountability? The Pause Party offers a supportive community where you can learn, reflect, set realistic goals, and celebrate your progress—one small shift at a time.
Whether you join us in the free group or become part of The Pause Party, there's room for you to show up just as you are.
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