Setting and Sticking with Boundaries

Setting and Sticking with Boundaries — Not Just for the Holidays, but All Year Long

If you’ve found yourself saying yes when your whole body wanted to say no, you’re not alone.

Perimenopause has a funny way of turning the volume up on everything — our energy levels, emotions, patience… and our tolerance for overcommitting. The holidays often shine a spotlight on this, but the truth is: boundaries aren’t a seasonal tool. They’re an everyday act of self-care.

The good news? Setting and sticking with boundaries doesn’t have to be dramatic, confrontational, or guilt-filled. It can be practical, flexible, and even empowering.

Let’s break it down.

Step 1: Get Clear on Your Boundaries First

Before you communicate a boundary, you need to understand it yourself.

Ask yourself:

Where am I feeling drained, resentful, or overwhelmed?
What feels like “too much” right now?
What triggers my perimenopause symptoms or makes them worse?
What do I need more of — rest, quiet, space, support, time?

Boundaries often become clear where frustration and resentment shows up. That’s not a failure — it’s information.

Pay attention to your emotions, physical reactions, and perimenopause symptoms, as they are your body's way of communicating with you your current needs and what you are and aren't comfortable with.

Step 2: Keep Boundary Communication Simple (and Kind)

Boundaries don’t require long explanations or apologies. Use "I" statements as you communicate your boundaries.

Try using:

“I’m not able to do that right now.”
“I need to take care of myself this season.”
“I’m choosing something different this year.”

You’re not asking for permission — you’re sharing information.

✨ Tip: Practice saying your boundary out loud (in the car, shower, or mirror). It gets easier the more familiar it feels.

Step 3: Expect (and Prepare for) Pushback

Pushback doesn’t mean your boundary is wrong.

People are often reacting to change, not to you. If you’ve always been the “yes” person, your boundaries may feel surprising at first.

Helpful responses:

Repeat your boundary without defending it
Stay calm and consistent
Remember: discomfort doesn’t equal danger

You’re allowed to prioritize your well-being, even if others don’t love it.

Step 4: Work With Guilt Instead of Fighting It

Ah yes — guilt. The unofficial mascot of boundaries.

Here’s the reframe:
Guilt doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. It often means you’re doing something new.

Instead of asking:

“Why do I feel guilty?”

Try asking:

“What am I honoring by setting this boundary?”

Knowing why you are setting a boundary helps you to stay consistent with that boundary.

You might be setting that boundary to be able to:

Get better sleep
Be less stressed
Have more patience
Improved your health
Feel like yourself again

That’s not selfish — that’s wise.

Step 5: Stick With It (Even When It Feels Uncomfortable)

Consistency is what turns boundaries into habits.

A few ways to help:

Write your boundary down
Share it with someone supportive
Set reminders or check-ins with yourself
Notice how your body feels when you honor it

Each time you follow through, you build trust with yourself — and that’s powerful.

Step 6: Reflect and Adjust as Needed

Boundaries aren’t set in stone.

Check in with yourself:

Is this boundary still serving me?
Has my energy or season of life changed?
Do I need to loosen, tighten, or shift something?

Perimenopause is a season of recalibration. You’re allowed to adjust your boundaries as you learn more about what you need.

Keep the Momentum Going Beyond the Holidays

The holidays might be the catalyst, but this work doesn’t stop when the decorations come down.

Think of boundaries as a practice — not a one-time decision.

Each boundary you set is a small act of self-respect that ripples into your health, relationships, and overall well-being.

And the more you practice, the more natural it becomes.

A Gentle Reminder

You don’t have to do this perfectly.
You just have to do it intentionally.

If you’d like ongoing support, encouragement, and practical tools to help you build boundaries that actually stick, that’s exactly what we work on inside The Pause Party — because navigating perimenopause is easier when you don’t have to do it alone.

The Pause Party