The All-or-Nothing Trap

Have you ever noticed how quickly one “off” moment can derail your entire plan?

You miss a workout, so you tell yourself, “Well, I’ve already blown it.”
You eat something that wasn’t part of the plan, so the rest of the day becomes a free-for-all.
You skip journaling for a few days, and suddenly it feels pointless to start again.

If any of that sounds familiar, you’re not failing—you’re just caught in what I call the all-or-nothing trap.

This type of thinking is incredibly common, especially during perimenopause when energy, motivation, and consistency can feel unpredictable. And while it feels logical in the moment, all-or-nothing thinking is one of the biggest reasons lasting change feels so hard.

What Is All-or-Nothing Thinking?

All-or-nothing thinking tells us:

If I can’t do it perfectly, why bother?
If I can’t do everything, I might as well do nothing.
If I mess up once, I’ve failed.

It leaves no room for flexibility, grace, or real life.

And here’s the thing—real life is rarely all or nothing.

How This Thinking Holds You Back

All-or-nothing thinking keeps you stuck in a cycle of starting over.

You start strong.
Something gets in the way.
You feel discouraged or guilty.
You quit—until the next “fresh start.”

Over time, this doesn’t just affect your habits—it affects your confidence. You begin to doubt yourself and think, “Why can’t I ever stick with anything?”

But the truth is, the problem isn’t you.
It’s the mindset you’ve been taught to use.

A Better Way: “All or Something”

What if, instead of all or nothing, we aimed for all or something?

Let’s revisit some of those familiar situations—with a new lens.

Instead of:
“I missed my workout, so the day is ruined.”
Try:
“I didn’t work out, but I can still stretch, walk, or move for 5 minutes.”

Instead of:
“I ate something sugary, so I might as well keep going.”
Try:
“One choice doesn’t cancel out the next one.”

Instead of:
“I don’t have time to journal for 20 minutes, so I’ll skip it.”
Try:
“I can jot down one sentence—or just one word.”

Instead of:
“I can’t do this perfectly.”
Try:
“I can do something—and that counts.”

This shift may seem small, but it’s powerful. It keeps you moving forward instead of starting over.

How to Start Shifting Out of All-or-Nothing Thinking

Here are a few gentle ways to begin retraining your brain:

1. Lower the bar on purpose.
Ask yourself, “What’s the smallest version of this I could do today?” Small still counts.

2. Expect imperfection.
Instead of hoping things go smoothly, plan for real life. Busy days, low-energy days, and emotional days are part of the process—not reasons to quit.

3. Celebrate progress, even if it feels small.

Instead of feeling guilty that something may not be perfect, acknowledge the fact that one you are still moving in the right direction and taking action.

4. Track consistency, not perfection.
Progress comes from showing up often, not flawlessly.

5. Talk to yourself like you would a friend.
If a friend slipped up, you wouldn’t tell her to quit. Offer yourself the same compassion.

It Doesn’t Have to Be Perfect to Work

Lasting change isn’t built on perfect days—it’s built on imperfect days where you still choose to show up in some way.

All-or-nothing thinking tells you that progress only counts if it’s flawless.
“All or something” reminds you that every small step matters.

And those small steps?
They’re exactly how real, sustainable change happens.

If you’re working on creating habits that actually stick this year, this mindset shift alone can make all the difference. You don’t need to do everything—you just need to do something.

And that?
That’s more than enough 💛

Want Support Making This Shift Stick?

If this all-or-nothing mindset sounds familiar, you’re not alone—and you don’t have to work through it on your own.

This is one of the core topics I dive into in my book, Don’t Make New Year’s Resolutions, where I share practical ways to move away from perfectionism and build habits that actually fit real life. Grab your copy here!

And if you’re craving ongoing support, encouragement, and accountability, The Pause Party is a space created specifically for women navigating perimenopause and beyond—where we work through mindset shifts like this together, one small step at a time.

You don’t need another restart.
You need support that helps you keep going 💛

The Pause Party